Love Poison
by YoukaiMusashi
Summary: 1st BEST CHARACTERIZATION, 2nd BEST SERIAL FIC, IYFG AWARDS! Inuyasha must confront his dreams and reality. When a dangerous spell and a terrible mistake put Kagome and Inuyasha's love and trust to the test, will he let his demon side take over? ADULT CON
1. A Hanyou's Dream: Bittersweet Feelings

DISCLAIMER: Don't sue, don't own. Except in my dreams, where I'm Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's owner, but I'm sure no one wants to know about what my perverted mind does to these yummy brothers...Other than that, Inuyasha-tachi belong to the wonderfully talented Rumiko Takahashi.

Hi! This is my first fic...actually the first time I ever posted a fic, so please be kind! No, this is NOT an Inu/Kikyou fic, and I promise a happy ending...gonna get angsty and a bit dark later. This chapter might contain some spoilers, since Inuyasha is doing a lot of pondering on past events. Please review! I need to know what I'm doing wrong...after all this is for you! Like it? Hate it? Let me know! I'll update sooner if you review! Onegai!

' ' For thoughts

" " Talk

CHAPTER 1: A HANYOU'S SWEET DREAM, BITTERSWEET FEELINGS

_Dream land._

_They were at his tree. Behind the young inu-hanyou's eyelids, the world melted away in midnight heat and a sky full of stars, like billions of blinking Shikon jewels; just as beautiful and powerful they seemed, watching silently over him and the human girl standing by the sacred tree. The moon was full and shone like a watchful silver eye, bathing the seventeen-year-old girl in an ethereal light._

_She was beyond beautiful._

_But this was his dream, and in this dream night, the young woman that was his companion on his journey was wearing nothing but an inviting smile, her long black hair gently flowing behind her, the night breeze lifting it up from her bare, rounded shoulders and framing her lovely heart shaped face. The depths of her chocolate brown eyes were infinite and warm, calling him home._

Kagome Higurashi was her name. She lived on the other side of the Bone Eater's well, five hundred years in the future. The well that had brought her to Sengoku Jidai, the well that connected his world with hers.

Inuyasha, the silvery white haired, golden eyed inu-hanyou who was dreaming of her on this night, like many other nights, loved her more than words could ever say.

Oh, the hanyou had known he wanted her before love hit him, and boy did it hit him hard. The night the change took place he had been human, that moonless night of weakness he had realized that he didn't just want her, that in fact he had fallen in love with this passionate, hard headed and spirited girl. At first he had thought it was just his human weakness that had awakened this feeling...he knew better now...

This little miko who was the reincarnation of the powerful priestess who had once been his beloved, fifty years ago.

The priestess Kikyou, protector of the Shikon no tama, she who had sealed him in this very same tree with a sacred arrow, breaking his heart and destroying his trust in the world. Fifty years he had slumbered a dreamless sleep, unfeeling, heartbroken, his spirit shattered.

The world had changed around him. Things had died, things had been born.

Until the fifteen year old miko came into his world, changing it and changing him forever. Almost two years had passed since then.

How Inuyasha had ever come to mistake her for Kikyou then was beyond him now. This petite, sweet girl who had saved him from himself countless times, this young human he had sworn to protect, like he had once sworn to protect Kikyou, was _nothing_ like Kikyou at all.

She had a strenght that went beyond miko powers, a strenght that came from her heart and soul, a force that could be unleashed at the most unexpected of times, a desperate need to protect those she cared about with the fierceness of a mother.

Kagome was more alive than the powerful priestess had ever been. She was like a ray of sunshine, she made the world seem a beautiful, warm place to live in. Her radiant smile could melt his heart, her tears he feared more than a thousand blood thirsty youkai. Her scent drove him wild with desire.

That had never happened with Kikyou. He suppossed it was because when he had met her and fallen in love with her, Inuyasha had been too young for a half demon, in spite of the fact that his body was that of a seventeen-year-old boy.

Youkai's sexual needs awakened around the human age of fifty. Inuyasha had been asleep all that time. Experience hadn't reached him or changed him in any way, but Kagome had.

He actually liked who he was when she was around, because Kagome liked who he was. She didn't think he was a filthy half breed, didn't think he had to become human to be worthy of her...the problem was, Inuyasha himself didn't think he was worthy of Kagome. He tried to be, oh so hard, but in his eyes, he knew he would never be worthy of such a pure being, as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside.

This went beyond physical attraction, and it confused the hell out of him; even when he'd thought he had gotten used to his feelings by now and had them under control, something happened that made him doubt his emotions all over again and start from scratch. He couldn't figure Kagome out, try as he might.

Control became an issue, and his only defense against confusion and weakness, as he saw it, was to attack. Unfortunately, the one he so often attacked was the one he wanted to protect from pain in the first place.

He'd hurt his Kagome so many times...why did she love him, then? This point at least was painfully clear in his mind, from the day she had decided to return to him after he had made the choice to remain with Kikyou, more out of guilt than anything else...because Hell was indeed what he thought he deserved, and the only thought in his mind at that moment had been to set Kikyou's soul free, even if it meant sacrificing his own.

Destroy Naraku first, the demon who had made them hate each other and killed Kikyou, making her believe she had died by Inuyasha's own hands. How could she have thought that he would do that to her? He had promised,_ promised_! But hadn't Inuyasha believed _she_ had betrayed him as well?

_Trust._ He hadn't even known the meaning of the word until Kagome came into his world.

But people did strange things for love. And he _did_ love Kikyou.

All this was too much for Inuyasha to take, or to even begin to grasp. The attraction and love he felt for the miko from the future, versus the nostalgy and memory of the love he felt for the miko who had held his heart in her hands when he was too young to comprehend anything about love or trust.

Before Kikyou, all he had known was self hatred, all he had known was that he had to stay alive, running, always running, hiding from youkai and humans alike, always despised, never belonging. He had thought his fate had been sealed with the death of his human mother, his mother who had shown him trust and love was possible; her death that had proved to him all this was an utopy. Intended for humans, perhaps, or even full youkai, but never for a hanyou.

Kikyou had wanted him to become human for her, to use the Shikon jewel for that purpose, therefore purifying it and freeing her of her priestess life; freeing him of his pain and shame for being a filthy hanyou. And because Inuyasha had seen it in her eyes, seen it in her heart, that she, a pure and almighty priestess, could never be with a half-breed like himself, he had agreed. Because she'd wanted it to be so. He had honestly longed to share his life with her as a human, therefore pleasing her, he had wanted to grow old, love and be loved and learn to be a simple human with her, because she was human and she would grow old, like humans tended to do, and he was going to grow old and die with her, believing he could have a brief, but happy life.

He had never thought of mating with her, he simply loved her, looking at her, being close to her, feeling her aura and smelling her sweet scent, thinking of it only as comforting. Her scent, soothing as it might have been, had never awakened desire in him, he had never searched for this unknown feeling, not even when she went in heat.

Mostly, Kikyou reminded him of himself, locked in her own world, hating it and longing to be free of this loneliness, just like he longed to be freed of it. She had been the only person besides his mother who had treated him like he was worth something...even if she had clearly shown, without words, that the only way for him to be worthy, for Inuyasha to be part of her world...was to become human for her, to sacrifice his nature for the love of her.

As a hanyou, Inuyasha knew she just felt sorry for him, that she longed to purify his heart and make him a better person. He accepted this, because he had never thought that anyone could ever love him as he truly was. How could that be possible, when he couldn't even do that himself? So he understood. He was willing. He simply loved her and wanted to be the one to make her happy.

That afternoon, fifty years ago when Kikyou had kissed him, or rather pressed her warm lips to his in a chaste, tender gesture, she had taken him by surprise. Inuyasha had then thought of how nice she felt, how soft her lips were and how warm her body was against his as he returned her embrace, but he'd had no impure thoughts on the matter.

Inuyasha had known then that she was _different_ from him; known Kikyou longed for more, because he could smell her heat coming to him in waves, even though she wasn't actually in heat at the time...but he hadn't understood this back then. Her scent had become musky and intoxicating, beckoning to him, but for the life of him he didn't know why or how he could answer her calling.

That very same night, she had shattered his heart, and she had died, taking the jewel with her to the other world. The jewel that would bind them together had destroyed everything he had to live for. Trust, love, a home.

Now the Kikyou who had longed for him and loved him was a walking corpse, a body made of clay and bones, the shadow of the woman she had once been, cold and full of hatred, a restless, bitter soul who despised him and only wanted to drag him into Hell with her.

Well, Inuyasha felt he owed her that. Her death had been his fault and his alone. He had sworn to protect her. He had failed, he had been a fool. He had been so young. He had been too lonely.

Inuyasha hated, absolutely _hated_ being human, but for Kikyou, he would change, he would learn to live with it. A part of him knew this would finally free him...human weakness wouldn't allow him to protect her properly, but together, they could have a future, a life. Perhaps they could even be..._equal_. The people of her village would accept him, approve of them being together. So, human he would become.

Kikyou had died thinking he had betrayed her, Kikyou lived now only to feed off the souls of dead women and to get her revenge on the demon who had destroyed them both. And eventually, to take Inuyasha to Hell with her.

Inuyasha knew that in spite of his guilt and the love that he felt for her memory, neither of them had trusted enough in the other.

No trust.

Without trust, there is no love. This he learned the hard way.

And he would go to Hell, damn it, if it meant he could earn her trust and give her peace. In Hell, perhaps, she could love him again...perhaps he could love her again. Was it possible to love in Hell? Inuyasha didn't know. All he knew was that he'd promised. _Promised_.

And since he had failed to protect her, since she had died for him, all he could do was die for her, die with her. That was one promise he had to keep, even if he knew deep inside that it was wrong, it _felt_ wrong, it reeked of wrongness.

The Kikyou he had loved was no more. She stank of dirt and decay, and the second kiss they had shared had been unexpected, and Inuyasha had not returned it. He had endured the smell of death, because Kikyou's aura was still her own, and this clay doll _looked_ like Kikyou...even if she felt colder and harder than she had when she was alive. She _had_ to be his Kikyou. _Had_ to be.

Unfortunately, Kagome had witnessed the kiss, and he had hurt her more than he would ever know. She ignored that Inuyasha had been too shocked to respond or to move away in time, and this resurrected Kikyou had been more bold then, had tried to part his lips with her tongue, but her lips felt so cold against his and so unlike the lips he had kissed fifty years ago...her body had been so stiff and felt so...so _wrong_...that he had parted from her, trying to hide his embarrassment and the fact that she awakened no feelings in him whatsoever, other than guilt and nostalgy for the young Inuyasha who had loved her and the generous priestess who had secretly wanted him in the past. Then...all went blank...and Hell broke loose, literally.

Until he had heard Kagome.

Inuyasha refused to believe his Kikyou had tried to trick him. But Kagome had saved him. Kikyou had seen him running back to Kagome, Kikyou had been hurt too. He'd hurt them both.

Wrong, wrong, wrong...everything about this Kikyou felt wrong.

But oh the guilt was overwhelming. That was when he decided his happiness was not important. He didn't deserve it, didn't deserve love because everything he loved died. His mother...Kikyou. If his love would destroy his Kagome, then she must never know how he felt. How much he loved her, longed for her, died inside every time she went back to her world, every time he couldn't reach out and touch her, feel her presence and smell her unique scent, hear her voice, feel her warm breath tickling his dog-like ears every time he carried her on his back, her long shapely legs around his hips...crazy, she drove him crazy and the worst part was, she didn't have a clue.

Kagome thought he wanted Kikyou.

Damn it, he loved Kikyou. He tried to convince himself of this every day, to make his soul stronger and deal with the fact that he had to follow her to Hell. But damn it, he loved Kagome too. Loved her so much it hurt. So much her pain was his pain, pain like he had never felt before. He much rather have his half brother's poison claws tear his stomach apart than feel the pain in Kagome's beautiful eyes. Physical pain was _nothing_ compared to the pain Kagome's tears made him feel, his heart breaking into a million pieces every time he verbally abused her, every time the salty smell reached his sensitive nose, everytime she glared at him, or worse...refused to look at him, tried to hide the obvious pain he inflicted on her.

_I love you as a hanyou, Inuyasha._

Kagome had said these words to him. She had shaken him with this statement more than he would ever admit. She didn't want him to be human, she didn't want him to be an all powerful demon either. Kagome didn't think he was a freak, she wasn't disgusted by him.

Humans never accepted him, they feared him; demons thought him inferior on account of his impure blood.

Inuyasha belonged nowhere. But now he belonged with Kagome. He conviced himself every day that the happiness she made him feel just by being there, just by smiling at him, was something he could not _allow_ himself to feel.

Kagome had wept for him. The night he had been human, the night he had known he not only lusted after her but loved her, the night Kagome thought he was going to die. She had been the second person to cry for him. His mother had been the first.

As he'd felt his life slipping away, the poison running through his then completely human blood, Inuyasha had slept with his head on Kagome's lap, and he had known, positively_ known_ without a shadow of a doubt that he loved her.

He remembered thinking then that if he died, he would never be able to smell Kagome's fragance again, and that thought had been too much for him to bear.

His last wish had been to at least be able to sense her as much as he could in this pathetic human form...he had swallowed his pride and softly asked if he could borrow her lap. Close, so close to him...her scent not strong enough for his human senses to pick up, but her aura, the feeling of her...that had been overwhelming, such sweet pain, to be this close to her...and as he'd felt himself dying, no thoughts of the Shikon shards, or of his lost Kikyou, had crossed Inuyasha's mind then.

He'd just wanted to lie there forever, his head on Kagome's lap.

He denied it to himself and would have denied it to anyone who dared question him, but his heart had ever since become hers.

Many things they went through together, trust had grown along with his love and lust for her, and she had chosen to remain with him in spite of his reluctant yet necessary choice to protect and follow Kikyou wherever she wanted him to go.

_Trust_. He trusted Kagome. Kagome trusted him.

_Love_. Inuyasha had known then he loved her. But it took him some time to realize Kagome loved him back. He couldn't allow that. Not Kagome, he wouldn't taint Kagome with his love, a love that only destroyed everything he touched.

_I can't be without you. I will follow you, even if it means following behind you and Kikyou. I can't break the bond between you, I know that too well. Your lives are linked, and I can never do what she did, or compare to her. I'm not Kikyou, Inuyasha. But I want to be with you. I want to be with you always._

Of course she was not Kikyou. She was Kagome.

_Ka. Go. Me._

Damn right, and he wouldn't want it any other way. But how to say this? How to voice something Inuyasha couldn't explain without giving his feelings away?

Inuyasha had wanted to tell her then, scream at her, _You've got it all wrong! I love you, Kagome, you're the one I want! I chose to remain with Kikyou because it's the right thing to do, and even if my soul remains in Hell, I will be content if Kikyou can find peace. And because, Kagome, you taught me to do what's right. You taught me so much...and unfortunately for you and me, this you taught me as well._

But he didn't say anything, couldn't say anything, and she had smiled a sad and impossibly beautiful smile and had taken his hand in hers, and he had smiled back and accepted this without a word.

Such little hands she had, compared to his...making him feel more unworthy, more of a monster. Yet her grip had been firm and warm and unspoken words had passed between them. Did she realize this? Did she feel his love?

She couldn't have, he'd tried so hard to hide it. Sometimes he gave it away unwillingly, when he looked at her and thought she wasn't watching...when he held her protectively in his arms.

Trust, love. His heart and soul, hers. His life, hers. His death...Kikyou's.

Inuyasha didn't know that every time he gave his feelings away, unspoken, Kagome thought he was not looking at her, but seeing Kikyou in her.

And the fact that he could smell her fear and feel her sadness like it was his own when he tried unconsciously to let her know how he felt only made him realize that he could never have her.

Every night, as he lay awake watching her, his eyes wandered to her lips and he longed to kiss her, _really_ kiss her...but Kagome had been the one to actually kiss him when he had least expected it, her kiss had saved him.

Her love for him was overwhelming and it scared him sometimes. And oh, how different Kagome's kiss had been! Kagome who had clung to him as his human soul was being stolen and he was losing it, losing his mind and his heart...Kagome had stood on tiptoe to press her lips to his, like Kikyou had once done when she was alive. The soft, silky pressure of her mouth had saved him.

She had been so brave...and she had been crying for him, and afterwards Inuyasha had wanted to tell her just that, how much he owed her and how much she had done for him, not just then but through all the time they had spent together...but instead he had called her careless and stupid and had held her as close to him as he possibly could, burying his face in her neck and choking on his own weakness, hoping she would get his unspoken words through his embrace, as he cradled her head lovingly in his hands, drowning in the sweet scent of her, wanting more, so much more...

He'd wanted to kiss her back, really kiss her, to push his tongue between her lips and drink from her sweet mouth, to pull at those full, soft lips with his own until they were sore, but the situation was desperate and he had just embraced her against him, her small body pressed to his, as his lips caressed hers chastely, shyly.

Inuyasha was beyond fifty years of human age, a hanyou who had never mated and whose sexual urges had began in a shocking way the day he had first seen Kagome bathe in a lake, still not knowing what to think of this strange human girl from the future, his mind struggling between hating her for resembling the woman he had then thought had betrayed him, and his heart telling him she wasn't Kikyou, wasn't anything like her.

Sure, she _looked_ like Kikyou, but even though he knew this...back then, he wouldn't call her by her name. It hurt, just to look at her.

Yet there was something about Kagome...something different that screamed to be seen and that he had had yet to discover.

It wouldn't take him long, really. The first time he had called her by her name, that was all it took for him to know that it didn't matter that she was Kikyou's reincarnation... she was Kagome.

Brave, stubborn, infuriating as hell, but someone else entirely. Someone he knew he cared about. Someone he knew then he could grow to love.

And that had scared the hell out of him, the power she could have over him if he let his guard down. He'd fought it, he'd really tried, but he'd known the battle had been lost before it had begun, Inuyasha was falling in love with her and there was no stopping it.

He pushed her back, called her names, verbally abused her, and _still_ she came back to him. Kagome always came back. And she always _smiled_.

And when she was gone...by the Gods, how he missed her scent, it felt as if he was missing a limb.

Kami, she smelled nice. More than nice, really. And she didn't smell like Kikyou. Their auras were similar, but their scents were different.

Waking up after a dreamless, fifty year slumber, thinking not a day had gone by since he had been pinned to a tree, and suddenly seeing Kagome, the smell of fear mingling with her scent, and the fact that she so painfully resembled Kikyou...well, he had been _confused_.

All he had smelled then had been her panic and he had sensed her aura, and that was definetely similar to Kikyou's...it was only natural for him to believe that the miko he didn't know then was long dead had gone stark raving mad and decided to change her hairstyle and wear strange clothes that didn't leave much to the imagination...

One day, without Inuyasha even realizing it, he had simply stopped seeing her as Kikyou, and from then on, she was just Kagome.

She was careless but she was strong. She wanted to take care of _him_. At first he wouldn't let her tend to his wounds, but, again, he didn't know exactly when or why, he had just let her, and it had ever since become a custom, and one Inuyasha secretly enjoyed immensely. She was, simply, Kagome, and he had never since then thought of her as Kikyou.

Pity she never knew this. Pity she never knew it had happened before Kikyou had been resurrected by Urasue.

_Kagome_.

Her scent. Her body...that morning, when his sexual needs had been awakened, Inuyasha had seen Kagome naked for the first but not the last time, her creamy white skin seemingly glowing under the sun, the drops of water sliding down her delicate body, her nipples hard because of the ice cold water. He'd completely forgotten the real reason for him being there at the time was to steal the shards.

The sight of this beautiful being had clouded his senses and he had just stared at her, frozen, feeling this new sensation take over his body, feeling the desperate, sudden urge to leap down from the cliff he was watching Kagome from and lick those glittering drops of water off her flawless skin, to taste her, touch her...Inuyasha had felt the hardness between his legs and the unbearable aching, his manhood pulsating and growing, and the hanyou had had no clue as to what was happening to his body or why he needed to...wanted to..._had_ to...do what?

That was when she had spotted him and said the "S" word. The curse that had been placed to hold him down on the rosary that now hung around his neck. Inuyasha had completely forgotten about _that_ too...

After being sat and falling off the cliff, Inuyasha had momentarily put aside that alien, new feeling. But the picture of Kagome, naked and wet and shivering had remained fresh in his mind, vibrant and persistant, haunting him, and from that day on he had gotten used to being painfully hard around her.

Inuyasha discovered he could not stand to be around Kagome when she was in heat, though. During that time of the month, he tried to stay away from her, he would vanish for days at times and hide in a cave somewhere, where no one could see him or hear him as he relieved his throbbing painful desire, pulling at his manhood, his eyes closed tight, as the vivid image of Kagome bathing flooded his mind, he moaned and groaned and gasped her name as he touched himself, rubbing his manhood faster and faster, his member impossibly hard and hot in his hand, pulsating with a mind of its own, and he had been scared the first time he had climaxed. Inuyasha had stared at the hot, sticky stuff covering his hand and stomach and still dripping from his manhood, golden eyes wide in shock, the smell of himself overwhelming, and he had slowly lifted his hand to lick the sustance off his fingers and palm, tasting himself.

Inuyasha had taken a cold bath after that and he couldn't stop his body from shivering. He knew it was not because of the water's temperature.

No one had ever explained these things to him. Inuyasha learned from his own body; he hated falling asleep because then he would dream of Kagome and would wake up soiled with his own seed. He felt disgusted with himself, but above all, he feared for Kagome.

Inuyasha was afraid of what he could do if he lost control.

Kagome, whom he had once heard moaning his name in her own sleep... Inuyasha had watched her movements, hidden under the strange blanket for sleeping outdoors she called a 'sleeping bag', as Kagome's body arched, and the intoxicating scent of her mouth watering arousal reached his nostrils and drove him to near insanity.

Kagome had dreams about him too...but she was unaware of his desire for her. She thought he hated her...and for a little while, he _had_ hated her for this, blamed her for these feelings he couldn't control.

Wet dreams.

Like the one he was having now.

He had fallen asleep, had fought drowsiness until it had defeated him.

Kagome was asleep nearby, and even in his own slumber, he could smell her and his nose snifled the air unconsciously, breathing her in. Soothing and maddening, her scent was. Couldn't live with it, couldn't live without it...

Sango, the demon exterminator, slept with her pet firecat youkai Kirara curled up next to her. Miroku, the monk who carried a curse on his right hand, mumbled in his own sleep, probably something perverted no one really wanted to know about, and the little fox youkai Shippo snored gently, curled up by the fire they had made before turning in for the night at the woods.

_Dreaming, dreaming..._

_Kagome waiting for him in his dream, waiting beside his tree, the same tree where he had been sealed, the same tree where he had met Kagome._

_There were no words in this dream._

_Kagome simply turned around and exposed her behind to him, giving him an inviting glance from over her shoulder. She smiled seductively as she spread her legs, and the sweet, musky aroma emanating from between her legs made Inuyasha dizzy for a moment._

_He wanted to call her name, but didn't find his voice. Inuyasha swallowed hard and went to her. He had been fully clothed until then, but now he looked down at himself and found he was naked as well, and sporting a huge erection. He blushed in embarrasment, but Kagome merely smiled._

_Inuyasha approached her slowly, nervously, and the tip of his cock brushed Kagome's thigh and he shivered. Kagome twisted around and kissed him, her eager tongue filling his mouth, darting at his as if it was a living creature trying to communicate._

_After what seemed an eternity of kissing and rubbing the tip of his cock against the back of her thigh, Inuyasha broke the kiss and felt Kagome's small hand curling around his hardened member, guiding it slowly towards her wet core._

_He felt the head of his penis enveloped by her hot wetness and moaned, and very slowly his cock dissapeared inside her. He remained still, savouring the moment, the feeling of Kagome's tight, slick walls around him, and then he began to rock his hips against her, his hands clutching Kagome's hips, banging her from behind. Every time Inuyasha banged her, her inner walls clutched him._

_Kagome rocked her ass against him, meeting his thrusts, and he let go of her hips to grab her breasts from behind, squeezing them and pinching her nipples, mindful of his claws, feeling them stiffen under his fingers._

_"Inuyasha...harder, pinch them harder...feels so good..." She panted._

_"Mine..." Inuyasha growled, massaging her breasts and rolling them together, this time pinching her nipples harder and circling them with his sharp claws, being rewarded by Kagome's erotic little sounds._

_"Mine...Kagome...my bitch..."_

_Kagome's knees were giving way as he felt her come, and he was forced to abandon her soft breasts to support her, his hands clutching her hips tightly as her juices flowed._

_She was banging her ass frantically now, desperate for more, crying out each time his cock reached her depths._

_"Harder...Inuyasha, fuck me harder..." She moaned, banging her ass like crazy. He could feel his balls slamming against her, his cock dissapearing inside her with wet noises and then reappearing again, dripping with her juices._

_Of course he knew this was a dream, Kagome would never act or talk like that...but hell he didn't give a shit. She felt so good, so good...he was losing control, holding back was now impossible. His balls ached and he felt he was going to either melt or burst..._

_"Kagome...I can't...can't...I'm cuming..." He growled, burying his claws on her tender flesh, pumping her faster and faster._

_"Cum with me, cum inside me!" She screamed._

_Inuyasha felt her body shiver but he held onto her firmly as she climaxed again, shouting out his name, flooding him with her hot juices._

_Inuyasha growled, thrusting as hard as he could against her one last time, hearing her cry out with pleasure as he unloaded inside her._

_"So much...so much cum...so hot..." Kagome panted. "Oh Kami..."_

_His juices mingled with hers and he slid out of her, watching as his cum squirted from her tender, throbbing pink sex and slid down her thighs._

_She turned around and pressed her breasts to his naked chest, panting, and he licked her parted lips and kissed her, kissed her desperately, over and over again, his tongue alive in her mouth..._

That was when dreamland melted away regretfully; Inuyasha's body shivered and he came on his pants like a schoolboy.

TBC

AN: There will be a brief but Inu/Kikyou scene in this fic, please don't hate me, I really, REALLY hate the dead bitch, this is an INU/KAGOME fic and that scene will have its purpose, I swear...also I'm from Argentina, so forgive my grammar...since this is the first fic I posted, don't flame me, please! Thanks for reading and please review! I'll try to update as soon as I can, I need to know what YOU want to read! I've already written most of it, but I keep changing it all the time, still not completely happy with it...and if you could make suggestions I would be more than grateful (also it wouldn't hurt my ego to tell me that you liked it...) Pretty please?

Until next chapter, sayonara!

Youkai Musashi


	2. Bitterness: Wake Up And Smell The Clay

DISCLAIMER: Don't sue, still don't own. Still own the inu brothers in sick twisted kinky perverted dreams. Rumiko Takahashi owns them otherwise. Feedback pretty please...you'll probably hate me for chapter 3, so I need as many nice reviews I can get until I start getting my ass flamed...

CHAPTER TWO: BITTERNESS: WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CLAY

Inuyasha's golden eyes flew open, he was panting heavily, and it took him a while to realize he had just had another one of those bloody realistic dreams.

"Damn it..." He muttered, the sticky wetness of his cum staining the front of his red pants. "Damn you, Kagome..."

He shut his eyes tightly, trying to breathe normally again, and opened them to discover, thankfully, that he hadn't awakened any of his companions, for he was certain he had been making noises, the dream had felt so real...

His misty eyes then rested on Kagome's sleeping form.

She was sound asleep, her chest rising and falling slowly with her even breathing. Inuyasha was overwhelmed by how angelical she looked, and at the same time how incredibly sensual, her full lips parted slightly, invitingly.

Kagome smiled sweetly in her sleep. "Mmm...Y'sha..." she whispered, and gave out an adorable little sigh.

For a moment, Inuyasha panicked, but when he called her name in a shaky voice he was immediately ashamed of, and she didn't respond, he was relieved to find out he hadn't waken her up after all. And that no one had heard him call her name in that wimpy, needy tone...

Inuyasha risked it and leaned down to softly kiss her eyelids.

"Dream of me...Kagome..." He whispered, and brushed her black silky hair from her face, behind her ears.

His golden eyes widened when he realized his hand was shaking. He shut his eyes briefly and with another heavy, painful sigh, Inuyasha got up and headed for the nearest river to wash the drying stain on the front of his pants, and clean himself up.

Inuyasha found a stream a few paces from their camp. The water was icy cold, for what he was grateful, it would help cool him down.

He undressed quickly, wanting to get this over with, and holding his red hakama, he got in the water up to his waist, shivering from the cold.

He washed his pants thoroughly, and when he was certain the stain was gone, he tossed them aside. They landed on a rock with a wet thud, and the inu-hanyou gave out a deep sigh that might have been a low, barely perceptible growl of frustration and pain to human ears.

The tips of his long, silvery white hair brushed the water and he remained still, panting. He could still smell Kagome's enticing scent and although the cold water helped and he was no longer hard, he felt a tingling sensation running through his entire body, as if his blood was boiling and no matter how cold the water was, it wouldn't be able to soothe the heat running through his veins.

'What you do to me, bitch...' he thought, closing his eyes. "My bitch." He whispered to himself and allowed a small smile to touch his lips.

His heartbeats were defeaning in his own ears, the dream desperately and stubbornly refusing to abandon him. Inuyasha growled low in his throat.

He waited, waited for the vision of Kagome, naked and sweaty and oh so beautiful, her scent mingled with his, to vanish or at least fade a little, like dreams usually did.

Once his heart settled down and was not defeaning him anymore, and the howling of his blood subsided to a whisper that the inu-hanyou was accustomed to and knew would never go away, he sighed in defeat.

'This has got to stop. I can't go on like this, I'll go fucking nuts...'

Knowing that he wasn't going to get over his dream any time soon, he decided to get out of the stupid stream and go back to camp.

Inuyasha was freezing and his blood was softly singing to him, he just had to be next to Kagome again or he would burst into flames.

Awake, of course. Wide awake.

Occassionally, he would rest his eyes, but he needed to have her nearby, to smell her scent and feel her presence, or he knew he would lose his mind.

Inuyasha could smell her from here but it wasn't enough, he wanted to breathe her in, and he lifted his head slightly and snifled the air, Kagome's scent caressing his senses, as he slowly opened his golden eyes.

That was when he saw them.

Above him, the ghostly white, soul snatching serpents flew in lazy circles; Inuyasha's eyes narrowed to slits, the familiar scent of clay and death that belonged to Kikyou filling his nostrils and making him nauseous and anxious at the same time.

He wasn't afraid. He wasn't glad. He wasn't angry.

He was...nothing. Kikyou had the ability to make him feel he was nothing.

The guilt resurfaced...he saw Kikyou's pale face in his mind's eye, tried with all his might to see her and remember her like the generous, innocent miko she had been before death had claimed her, before she stank of decay...he tried to smell her the way she had smelled then, like fresh flowers, and not dirt.

His lost Kikyou, Inuyasha tried to remember her when the miko's words, although very few, but always softly spoken, had never been harsh...

So many years ago...the living, gentle woman who would never have lifted a dagger against his throat and glare at him the way she had glared at him, like he was nothing but...but...

'Oh why not, let's just say it, say it over and over until we drown in self hatred...nothing but a worthless, filthy hanyou, of course...'

Although Kikyou had never actually _said_ it, alive or dead, he could clearly hear her voice in his head and had no choice but to agree with her, after all, her voice had always been so reasonable, so calm...

'How _dare _you, how dare you even think for a second that someone like me could ever _love_ you? A _half breed_? Oh no, Inuyasha...if you want me, if you _love _me, you will become human for me, you will free me...true, I want you, want you as a hanyou...I want you to want me...but I could never _love_ a hanyou...so become human...for me...'

Half-breed, definetely.

Freak? Why, that too.

His youkai half brother thought so, humans thought so, demons snifled at him in disgust and wanted to kill him, trying to do the world a favor by getting rid of the insult to nature hanyou represented in everyone's eyes by ending his miserable existance.

Unworthy of a pure priestess like Kikyou, that too, of course.

Inuyasha agreed with the miko, alive and dead alike, that spoke to him in his head, then and now.

Human for her? Sure.

If that would make her love him, if the pain would just fucking go away then, why the hell not?

'Because I hate it. Because I _am _hanyou. If I had to learn to live with myself the way I am...why couldn't she learn to do that, too? Why couldn't she love me - as I am?'

Suddenly Inuyasha didn't want to be there, but he didn't want to go back to camp either.

What he really, really wanted was to be back in his dream, where nothing mattered and he was allowed to love Kagome without regrets...he didn't want to see Kikyou, didn't want to see the

hatred for him reflected in her dead eyes, or hear the coldness in her voice.

Afraid to look, but incapable of looking away, Inuyasha stared right at her, standing in front of him, her almond shaped brown eyes impossible to read.

"Kikyou..." He whispered, and suddenly realized he was stark naked and blushed.

To his utter amazement, Kikyou _smirked_.

When she was alive, he had never seen Kikyou _smirk_. This was a custom she had acquired recently, and he wasn't sure he liked it. Scratch that, he was positive he disliked it. Not her, never _her_ of course, just that..._look_.

The one she was giving him now, one Inuyasha ignored Naraku would have recognized instantly from when Kikyou had called him a hanyou.

Had Inuyasha known Kikyou had given Naraku the look that she was giving him now, he would have hated her for it. For a while.

It wasn't a nice look. It had no hate but no love in it either. It was, actually, quite mocking, a look one would give a cocroach they have been chasing for a while and finally were able step on.

_Hard_.

But as for now, Inuyasha was too much aware of him being naked and her _smirking_ at him. And vaguely aware that he didn't like it.

He felt like a cornered animal, more specifically, a cocroach.

_Squash._

Kikyou finally spoke: "Why, Inuyasha...when I was alive, I never sensed you so..._agitated_. Taking a bath, so late at night?"

TBC

AN: The next chapter will be SO hard to post, because it was so damn hard to write...please don't hate me for it, it's necessary and I promise, it is not what you're thinking! Almost, but not quite and Inuyasha _won't_ be a happy puppy with it...I however will be very happy if you R&R. Coming next... the scene I so hated to write but that does have its damn purpose...Please review! 


	3. Cornered: This Is Not Happening

DISCLAIMER: Don't own, don't sue. Inuyasha-tachi belong to the almighty Rumiko Takahashi. I decided to spare you of what This Youkai Musashi did to the inu brothers last night...

Ok people, this is the dreaded chapter I hate to post and hated to write...please please don't hate me! I'm an INU/KAG fan and this was hard for me to write! Next chap is finished and I hope you will be pleased with that one! Review? Pretty please? Don't flame me onegai this is NOT an INU/DEADBITCH fic! Remember I promised a happy ending? You do, don't you::pathetic look: Come on you guys, I need more reviews! You do want to see Inu & Kagome happy, right? Then review! If not for me, do it for them:)

CHAPTER 3: CORNERED: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING

"Why are you here?" Inuyasha asked softly.

Like always, seeing Kikyou clouded his senses, and his heart fluttered, blinded by her beauty and obscured by his guilt.

"I came to see you." She answered. "I never thought I'd see you like this, Inuyasha. You're not ugly to look at, you know." Her smirk widened and he thought for a second he saw a flash of lust cross her eyes.

"Well, aren't you happy to see me?" She asked, mockingly. "I want to help you, Inuyasha. You still have feelings for me, don't you? Your pretty face is so easy to read..."

Inuyasha opened his mouth to say something but closed it when Kikyou laughed softly. Laughed at him.

Yes, he still had feelings for her. He knew exactly what those feelings were, but every time he saw her he seemed to forget...

'I loved this woman,' he thought. 'I loved her and I let her die. She can't rest in peace because of me. She hates me now, doesn't she? What does she want from me? Did she come to kill me? I can't...I won't go with her now...not before I destroy that bastard...not before I...'

Kagome's face flashed in his mind, her smile soft and her cheeks flushed, Kagome's face in his dream, her naked, heated body pressed against him, her mouth hungrily devouring his...Kagome's scent, sweet and spicy and irresistible.

Kagome's eyes, intense and adoring...Kagome's heart, pounding out of control against his chest in his dream; beating against his back when he carried her, threatening to drown out all sounds in his ears...

The salty, heartbreaking smell of Kagome's tears when she saw him with Kikyou...her sad eyes when she just _knew _he had been with Kikyou...Kagome's pain was his pain...Kagome...

Kikyou's voice brought him roughly back to reality.

Inuyasha didn't know how long he had been silent, but he suddenly felt very cold and very much alone.

"Well...are you going to stay in the water all night?" Kikyou was asking him. "Come out, Inuyasha. Let me look at you."

Her voice softened and Inuyasha's confusion must have been pretty obvious because she laughed at him again and shook her head, as if she couldn't believe how easy he was to manipulate.

Inuyasha looked away. "Why are you here?" He asked again, desperately trying to cling to sanity and losing the battle.

"I've always wanted you. You know that, don't you? If you had become human for me..." Her voice trailed off, her large, empty eyes misting over.

Inuyasha blushed a deep crimsom. Yes, he knew that all too well.

But did he want her now? No.

Did he love her? Yes. He always would.

But...did he want? He wanted...wanted...damn, he had lost it!

"I - I want..." He muttered.

"Not me. You never wanted me, when I was alive you didn't even know what lust was...and I couldn't have you, not while I was a priestess...I longed to be free of my burden, to be with you... you would have _wanted_ me then, Inuyasha. As a human man, you would have been ready for me. But your body's ready for me now, isn't it? Inuyasha, I will make you forget...what is _troubling_ you. I can't make love to you, but..."

'What is she saying? Kikyou...she would never talk like this! But..._who_ is this woman? Same aura, same face...who _is_ she? Kikyou...do you love me still? You want to be with me forever...except you're _dead_, damn, it took me so fucking long to realize that you had _changed_...what is this I see? _Love_ in your eyes? You want eternity with me, but you do not want life with me, because you _can't_ have life...what do you want from me now? I still love you...I guess I always will...and I - I just don't know if you're still there...in that clay body...every time we meet, I just don't know what to _see_, what to _feel_...when I don't see you I _know_ you're not there...I hope a part of you still remains...but is the Kikyou living in that body only full of hatred? For me? For the world? Are you still there, Kikyou?'

No, she wasn't still there.

And yet to his horror, Inuyasha slowly realized he was getting out of the water. He couldn't help himself. He always lost his mind when she was around.

'I love her.' A part of his mind screamed at him. 'She's my destiny. I swore to protect her...I love her. The woman who sacrificed herself and went to Hell for me. She loves me too... doesn't she? A part of her does...which part? Why, the part that is Kagome's soul, of course...'

'Yes, fifty years ago you loved her and maybe - maybe she loved you too. She was alive then. She was so beautiful and powerful and pure and what a welcome surprise it was that she seemed to love you back...it was a new and exciting feeling...it made you feel all warm inside, it made you feel like a _good_ person...almost. You loved her and you were so young...and she was so innocent then.

But you swore to protect Kagome now. Kikyou is dead, she's standing in front of you but you know she's dead, look at her, you _know_ it. You love Kagome now...the woman who would die for you, Kagome who let herself be shot before she let that arrow pierce your heart...and better yet, Kagome who _lives_ for you...passionate, brave, generous Kagome, who possesses the purest soul...the kindest heart...a beauty that's all her own. Kagome who always thinks of her friends before herself...the girl who loves you and accepts you as you are and forgives you everything...the girl who wants to always be with you, no matter what...fuck, the girl you don't deserve.'

This part of his mind screamed the loudest.

But now Inuyasha was not aware at all of what he was doing, or of what Kikyou was expecting of him. He felt numb, he was lost.

"I cannot make love to you..." Kikyou was saying again. "My body. It is dry." She clenched her fists at her sides. Anger flashed in her eyes, but it was not directed at him.

Inuyasha froze, standing before Kikyou, naked and wet and confused as hell.

He watched silently and wide eyed as the dead priestess kneeled down in front of him, looking up at him under her thick eyelashes.

Kami, she was beautiful...she was Kikyou...definetely Kikyou...looking at him with no trace of hatred in her eyes...why was that? Why now? And why was he suddenly so..._afraid_?

'Stop. Stop it. Inuyasha wake up! Look at her, she's beautiful, but her beauty is so cold...so cold... her eyes are so empty...Kikyou's eyes always filled with warmth when she looked at you, when you were both young and in love. Now I can't tell what she sees or feels when she looks at me...I can only hope it's love...but it's just hope, isn't it? I feel so alone...when she looks at me, I know I deserve this loneliness...Kagome...I don't deserve you...but Kami I love you...Kikyou...I love you too but...but... it's not enough..not nearly enough...'

It was no use. He couldn't, wouldn't, listen to himself. He was paralized. And when Kikyou's cold hand wrapped around his manhood, he held his breath.

"No..." He gasped, but his body betrayed him and he hated himself for it. "Don't..."

Kikyou smiled as she absent-mindly stroked his member, her tongue darting out and licking the head, her lips closing around it.

Inuyasha stared down at her, watched in half horror, half fascination as his cock dissapeared in her cold mouth.

"Kikyou...s-stop this...why...why are you doing this?" He moaned, feeling himself grow inside her mouth. When the tip of his cock touched the back of her throat, he groaned.

'NO!' His mind screamed, wailed at him. 'Please make it stop, make it stop, make it stop! This is _not_ happening...'

The dead miko sucked on his member slowly, up and down, building up speed. When her mouth released him, he cried out in frustration.

Damn his body. Damn _her_ for doing this...

Kikyou laughed softly. "Do you feel good? Your body doesn't lie...shame on you...I always imagined you'd be this big...when I touched myself, alone in my cot at night...fifty years ago...I always thought you'd tear me apart, being a hanyou...I bet you're still a virgin, aren't you? Just like me...or did you lie with that litte girl, that pathetic copy of me?"

Kikyou's voice was cold when she spoke, and before he could reply and defend Kagome, she stuck her tongue out and began licking along his lenght.

She was so cruel...how dare she..._how_...but Gods it felt so good...

Inuyasha threw his head back, his long, silvery white hair brushing his buttocks as he let out a long moan.

Then her dead lips closed again around the head of his cock, and she began making loud slurping noises as she suckled him. Her cold hands massaged his throbbing balls.

"Stop it..." Inuyasha growled, but his self control was completely gone and he thought he heard Kikyou chuckle as she released him from her mouth and began stroking his painfully hard member up and down rapidly, her hand firmly wrapped around him.

'No...stop...Kikyou, stop it, stop it, please stop it..._who_ are you..._what_ are you? Why?'

Inuyasha closed his eyes tightly, letting the pleasure wash over him, and in the back of his mind's eye, he saw Kagome. Heard Kikyou's icy, cruel voice in his head.

_Did you lie with that little girl?_

Why, yes, countless times...in his dreams...and surely this must be some sort of bizarre dream gone all wrong...yes, that was definetely it.

This was just a dream.

He wasn't here at all, he was still sleeping and his clouded mind had led him from a sweet, perfect dream to a twisted nightmare...and yet it felt good.

Inuyasha wondered briefly if he would wake up soon, he _wanted_ to wake up soon, this was NOT supposed to feel good...

Golden eyes closed tightly, Inuyasha's mind wandered, and now he could clearly see his Kagome behind his eyelids, kneeling in front of him.

His Kagome was pleasuring him, he felt her small hands leave his throbbing member to once again wrap her lips around him, her tongue sucking and licking him, her hands caressing him...he could Kagome so clearly...he knew something was terribly wrong, _something_...but he couldn't put his finger on it, and at this point, he didn't care...he was so close...and Kagome was sucking him hard and deep...but - why was her mouth so _cold_?

When Kagome had kissed him, her mouth had been so warm, so soft and luscious...

A low guttural growl escaped Inuyasha's lips, and he frantically began thrusting against Kagome's eager, yet cold mouth...fucking her, fucking her mouth...

_My Kagome..._

Inuyasha thrust faster, heard her choke, but he could hold it no more, and came hard in her mouth, screaming Kagome's name.

He knew it was too much cum for her to swallow so he slid his penis out of her mouth while he was still cuming.

Inuyasha opened his eyes slowly, and to his utter shock, he saw Kikyou, her pale face covered in his cum, her chin dripping with it, as she parted from him roughly and spat the cum she hadn't been able to swallow.

"Kikyou? What the fuck!" He gasped.

Then he realized. No dream. _Kikyou_ had done this. Not Kagome.

_Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit._

Inuyasha felt slightly sick as he watched Kikyou stand up quickly and wipe her face clean with her sleeves, looking nearly as disgusted as he felt.

"So I see..." She whispered, her voice like a knife slicing the air.

Without another word, her soul stealers wrapped around her body and lifted her up, as the dead priestess glared at the stunned inu-hanyou from above.

Inuyasha collapsed on the ground, panting heavily.

When he looked up, Kikyou had vanished. He called out for her, but her presence had vanished.

He wondered if it had all been an illusion, but his member was still throbbing from her sucking on him, and he knew he had called out Kagome's name as he came.

He had _seen_ Kagome, seen her and felt her, and had let himself give in to the pleasure, desperately wishing and _believing_ it was Kagome's mouth pleasuring him...he had thought he had fallen asleep and was dreaming of her again...that he would soon wake up covered in his own seed...and he had made love to the eager little mouth that was sucking him so deep, because after all...it was just a _dream_...oddly enough, it had been Kikyou at first, and he had _never_ had these sort of dreams about Kikyou, but...oh, _shit_.

Inuyasha felt dirty. He was going to be sick.

Now this was a feeling he knew Kikyou felt for him but he had never before felt for her: _disgust_.

"Kikyou, I'm sorry...I can't turn back time..." He whispered to the air.

Dawn was nearing, and Inuyasha suddenly longed for light...longed for the light that warmed his soul and his heart: his Kagome.

Inuyasha lowered his head in despair and shame, his silvery hair brushing his bare arms, digging his claws into the ground.

"Kagome..." He whispered. "Kagome...oh Gods, this is something not even you would forgive... Kami, I'm so sorry..."

Inuyasha felt so helpless, he felt..._used_.

Kikyou had _used_ him.

Gods...why had he allowed this? Stupid, stupid!

He deserved to be sat until there was no tomorrow for this. Inuyasha would have sat himself if he could, sat himself until he lost consciousness...he would have done anything, _anything_, for this never to have happened...

He had wanted Kikyou to _be_ Kagome. Why else would he have closed his eyes all the while, why else would he have chosen to believe it was another dream?

He had wanted to believe it was Kagome, that Kagome wanted him as much as he wanted her...he had completely and foolishly believed it was her.

For the first time, he had ignored Kikyou, even when she was doing...when she was doing _that_ to him...

Inuyasha shuddered, bile rising in his throat.

_Shit. Shit!_

What the hell had she done that for!

Suddenly, he was furious, not with Kikyou, whom he understood less and less as time went by, but with himself, and he felt tired beyond words.

He felt weaker than he had ever felt in his entire life, weaker even than when he turned human.

Slowly, exhausted in body and soul, Inuyasha gathered his clothes and got dressed, oblivious to the fact that his pants were still soaking wet.

The defeated inu hanyou dragged his feet back to the camp, feeling miserable and drowning in self hatred.

TBC

AN: Please forgive This YM! Um...R&R? Constructive criticism doesn't hurt this YM's feelings but please no flames::runs away and hides: Also I would like to point out (in spite of my fear of posting this) that I DO hate the resurrected Kikyou, but I merely dislike her when she was alive. I admit my dislike is mostly because I adore Kags and can't see Inu with anyone else but her...I realize Kikyou was OOC here, but there's an explanation for it that will come later on...also, I'm still trying to get into the mind of this character I don't particularly like. I just want the dead bitch...err, Kikyou...just like Inu, to find peace (and to be out of the way) but I will _not_ do what some writers do, making Kikyou "bad" and killing her off in brutal ways. She was, after all, _good _before and Inu _did_ love her. She's just a tragic, bitter figure. I don't believe she hates Kags. She just hates _everything_. Kik doesn't belong in Inu's world now, though. I hate her dead self, but as I said, there will be a happy ending for everyone (after a bit of angst though). There will be more of all the Inu cast too! Any particular requests? Besides YM shutting up and making her AN's shorter? Want more? Lemony goodness and warm and fuzzy Inu/Kags? I desperately need reviews... Must...Have...Reviews...Ja ne for now!

YM


	4. Trust: I Need You

DISCLAIMER: Don't own, don't sue. Takahashi-sama gets money off these wonderful characters. I just use them for my own hentai purposes...wait, that sounded _good_...

_Ok people, this is the deal. Sometimes stories just come out the way they do. I didn't want to do that scene but it will have its purpose, and NOTHING like that will ever happen again. Inu & Kags will get their happy ending, period. I can't promise immediate lemony goodness, but I do promise lime, because there's a lot they have to work out and plenty of angst on the way. But the real lemon scene, their first time, is written and will be posted when the time is right, I don't want them to jump into bed after what has happened, and what Inu & co. will have to deal with (remember that guy named Naraku? Yup, that's the one, he'll show up soon and stir things up a bit...) but there will be mushy sweet lime. On the next chap, if I have my way with rewriting it. Believe me, their first time will be one hell of a long chap! Such sexual frustration just deserved my entire attention. And of course it won't be just ONE lemon lol ;)_

R&R! Please please review! I'm actually begging you people... review! I want you to be happy with this, I need to know what you'd like to read (other than lemons, you hentais you) I need some inspiration! Just review...please?

CHAPTER 4: TRUST: I NEED YOU

Sleep didn't come, of course.

Inuyasha leaned his back against the tree, Tetsusaiga held close to his chest, as he watched Kagome. She was smiling softly in her sleep, roses on her cheeks, breathing evenly.

Inuyasha felt so ashamed and dirty about what had happened earlier he couldn't believe he had the guts to look at Kagome.

Could he face her in the morning? Could he look into those beautiful eyes of hers without her just _knowing_? She could always read him so easily...somehow, she always knew when he had seen Kikyou. Probably had to do with the fact that he couldn't bring himself to face her...

Inuyasha _had_ to now.

He had something to prove to himself, and to Kagome as well. He owed it to her.

It was about time he cast his pride and fears aside and let her know...the only way he knew how... that she was his choice, his _only_ choice.

Why had it taken this ugly...incident...to happen to make up his mind, he didn't know. But he had chosen Kagome a long time before this.

Now he had to actually _tell_ her that, if he didn't do it now, the pain of his betrayal and the disgust he felt for himself and for his own body that had betrayed him as well would eat him alive.

Easier said than done...but he'd loved Kagome for so long now...if everything he loved did indeed die like he'd always thought...wouldn't she be dead and gone by now?

But the way he acted around her...stubbornly refusing to return her love when he so clearly loved her back, calling her names she most certainly didn't deserve to be called (except maybe for 'bitch', Inuyasha thought smiling slightly, she was after all, _his_ bitch...) Kagome would never believe him, or worse, would turn him down.

Not because he was a hanyou...but because he was...well, rude and mean and violent...and a two-timing, unfaithful dirty _dog_ with no fucking self control, he thought inwardly, grimacing.

Fuck, he didn't deserve such an innocent, precious being as Kagome. But she was _his_ bitch! She _belonged _to him!

His scent was all over her, for all the youkai world to sense.

So okay, she wasn't marked...but even lesser youkai could smell Inuyasha's strong scent on her. Not inside her...but all over her, his youki surrounding her faintly like a second aura. Humans couldn't smell it or sense it, of course, and yet most of the humans they crossed paths with immediately assumed Kagome was _with_ him.

Inuyasha felt a secret pride in this he would never have revealed to anyone.

His bitch. His woman. His 'intended', or like Kagome would say in her world...his 'girlfriend'. And if he was ever brave enough and she would let him...his _mate_.

Even that baka fleabag Kouga had to _know_ she was his, not even he was so dense as to ignore the hanyou's scent on Kagome. Kouga simply _chose_ to conviniently do so, which was a different thing altogether.

The fact that Kagome traveled with Inuyasha and therefore was always nearby had nothing to do with it.

Sango certainly didn't have Inuyasha's scent all over her.

But Kagome rode on his back, and he held her in his arms as much as he allowed himself to. Kagome snuggled up to him in the late hours, sometimes they watched the sunset together and she would hold his hand or wrap her tiny arms about his waist...hell, she had even _kissed_ him once. She tended to his wounds with skillfull, oh so tender, loving hands...

She even stroked his ears sometimes, even though he pushed her hands back and growled at her and told her he hated it...nothing could be further from the truth.

Very sensitive, his ears were; as a child, when his mother stroked them, he'd always giggled uncontrollably, and that was it. When he was a pup and he was tucked into bed, his mother would stroke them lovingly and he would sigh happily, his only thought before sleep claimed him being that he was safe.

But now in his 'young adult-ready-to-mate' hanyou years, his ears had somehow become a direct connection to his...most private parts.

Inuyasha blushed and his ears twitched unconsciously.

He loved Kagome. And she loved him back. Inuyasha knew she did, damn it! There wasn't a single spark of doubt in his mind about that.

He hated the fact that there was more than doubt in Kagome's mind about his feelings for her, but then again, it was his own damn fault, and he had wanted it that way, hadn't he? A tiny part of him still wanted it that way, didn't want his precious Kagome tainted by his love.

Kagome _trusted_ him. And he would rather die than lose her trust.

He still couldn't understand what in the seven hells had happened back there, what in the world had possessed him to step out of the stream in his birthday suit and allow Kikyou to do _that_ to him...and the fact that he had believed at one point with all his body and soul that it wasn't the dead miko, but Kagome, performing this act did not make him any feel better.

Inuyasha hadn't only thought it had been Kagome's mouth he was making love to, he had also believed he had been_ dreaming_ of Kagome...yet again. And that of course had not come as a surprise to him...

The whole thing had been so...surreal...the only logical explanation his clouded brain had come up with was that it just _had_ to be another dream...he hadn't been trying to fool himself, because his dreams had _always_ felt so real...he'd simply let himself loose in yet another dream of himself and Kagome, and when reality struck, it struck hard.

He'd fucked it all up. He had to fix this. Except he had no clue how...

It would be oh so easy and convenient to just pretend it had, indeed, been just a dream. But he knew it wasn't so, had known it the second he had seen the look of disgust on Kikyou's face, a look that had probably matched his own.

Inuyasha had been disgusted with himself, but she had been clearly sickened by him.

And the thought of Kikyou being disgusted by him did not hurt Inuyasha as much as it should have, on the contrary, recalling the previous events and how they had ended, her reaction matching his own was somewhat of a relief to him.

After all, deep inside Inuyasha had always _known _Kikyou had secretly felt disgust, and a not so secret pity for him as a hanyou. Perhaps she had not actually felt _repulsed_ by him when she'd been alive, but she'd certainly _chosen_ his human side...of course, he couldn't picture the miko actually _wanting_ to do what she had done to him fifty years ago...she would never have been so bold then. She'd been so young, so innocent, untainted, a priestess, she wasn't allowed to feel these things, or she would fail on her task.

She was a woman with needs of course, needs he'd never understood when she was alive, but a miko first. And mikos and half demons did not mix.

It was wrong in everyone's eyes, but it hadn't been wrong in Inuyasha's eyes, and it had hurt him to no end that he had _known _Kikyou felt it was wrong as well, fifty years ago...that she had felt so _guilty_ for wanting him as a hanyou, for baring her heart to him, to no other than a half demon, and one who had been pursuing the miko in hopes of stealing the Shikon jewel from her. But that had been before Kikyou had opened up to him and shown Inuyasha he could be _worth_ something... he could be _loved _again...if only he accepted her terms.

Inuyasha had seen himself in her. But he had also perceived how Kikyou saw him.

She'd wanted him to become human, not to free him, but to free herself, he realised now. She had said so herself, hadn't she?

_As a human man, you would have been ready for me..._

_Used._ He had been _used_.

But then again, fifty years ago, Inuyasha wouldn't even have known such things _were _done. Sure, he had watched wild animals rut when he was younger, he knew about _mating_, but...

Damn it, he had _begged_ her to stop! His heart and mind and soul had protested simultanously at this outrage, but his weak body, already feverish from his dream of Kagome, hadn't heard his pleas, his refusal, the utter shock that the dead miko was doing something like _that_ to him, something he'd never even _known_ was common practice among humans...and then he had seen his Kagome, and he had lost it, lost himself, given in not to Kikyou's administrations, but to Kagome's.

Except it hadn't been Kagome. He'd realised that when it had been too late, too late.

Gods, what had he done? Sick, he felt so sick...he desperately needed to throw up...but he refused to move; Kagome was there, she was so close, he could just close his eyes and feel her, forget himself in her aura, be absorbed by her soothing presence and her fragance...

Inuyasha's thoughts were broken when he heard Kagome sigh softly in her sleep and shift positions, and his golden eyes flew open, caressing her body with a loving, longing gaze.

Was she even remotely aware of how gorgeous she truly was?

Inuyasha sighed. She probably would think he was comparing her to Kikyou, if he ever told her how alluring, how desirable and beautiful he thought she was. Not that he ever would...

She looked so peaceful, so serene in her sleep, so..._safe._

Complete trust.

Even as she slumbered, she knew Inuyasha was there, watching over her, over them...this disfunctional family the companions had become sometime along the last two years; the impulsive hanyou, the generous miko from the future, the courageous demon slayer, the perverted monk, the orphan kitsune, the loyal neko youkai.

Inuyasha's family. Irritating as they were sometimes...they had unknowingly become his pack, although he would never admit it out loud.

Inuyasha's thoughts went back to Kagome.

If he said something, _anything_, along the lines of him thinking of her as the most beautiful, caring creature on the face of earth, he knew Kagome would feel more hurt than if he called her ugly and stupid. Because of Kikyou, of course. And if Kagome didn't see she was nothing, _nothing_ like Kikyou at all in his eyes...well, Inuyasha had only his stupid self to blame.

He growled low in his throat, furious with himself, but visibly relaxed when Kagome shifted her position again and showed her profile to him, that sweet little smile playing on her full lips, lips that parted and whispered his name.

Inuyasha didn't move. He forgot to breathe. He just watched her; his intense, golden gaze fixed on Kagome's parted, inviting lips, his ears twitching at the sound of his name, spoken in a barely audible whisper. Also, he mentally beat himself up for good measure.

How could he erase the events that had ocurred earlier? How could he face Kagome now? How could he face Kikyou, for that matter? How on earth could he hide this from Kagome, but how, how could he tell her without completely losing their most sacred bond, their trust?

He was trapped. He was miserable. And without Kagome's trust, he would simply lose it all. His life, his love, his home, his hopes and dreams. Kagome was simply...his _everything_.

Kagome was forgiving, but even an understanding, sweet girl like her must have her limits. This, Inuyasha thought, would be one of them. And he had crossed too many limits already for his own liking. Clinging to the memory of the dead priestess, stupidly believing he could redeem himself in Kagome's eyes by keeping his promise to Kikyou. What did he have to redeem himself of, when Kagome had never, ever, placed any blame on him for what had happened to Kikyou? Had he done anything wrong for Kagome to think him cursed, other than calling her names and being rude to her and...and...running off to see Kikyou, only to return to face her heartbreak and to try to ignore the pain in his own heart as well?

The feeling that it was oh so wrong, to chase blindly after a shadow from the past; and that being with Kagome was _right_, that she was his present.

That painful, unshakable feeling that he was somehow betraying her just by running after Kikyou. If it had been a feeling before, it was a harsh, bitter, undeniable reality now...

It was early morning. Inuyasha heard Kagome's breathing change, and knew she was awake.

"Kagome?" He whispered.

The seventeen-year-old miko slowly moved to a sitting position and yawned, opening her chocolate brown eyes and looking at him, instantly flashing him a sleepy, sweet little smile.

"Morning, Inuyasha." Kagome said softly, careful not to wake their companions. She crawled out of her sleeping bag and made her way to where Inuyasha sat.

Inuyasha looked up at her, summoning his courage, he would not, would NOT look away, or Kagome would _know_...

Kagome sat next to him and gently brushed his silver bangs out of his eyes. Then she looked down and noticed something odd.

"Inuyasha...why are your pants wet?" She asked, frowning. He realised she was just curious, not suspicious.

"Keh," was his eloquent reply.

Kagome shrugged, deciding to leave that alone for the time being. She snuggled up to him and rested her perfumed head on his shoulder.

"Kagome?"

"Hmm?"

"It's still early. You might want to sleep some more...pathetic human." He winced at his own choice of words. He resisted the urge to run his fingers through her silky black tresses. Gods, she smelled nice. So very, _very_ nice...

Kagome ignored him and sighed blissfully, her eyes closing. "Not sleepy." She murmured, smiling softly.

"Feh."

Silence.

Kagome had her eyes closed but Inuyasha knew she was not asleep. Kagome's soft smile widened slightly, contented with his closeness. He almost smiled himself, when the events of before replayed in his mind and guilt washed away any sense of peace or joy he would have otherwise found in Kagome's nearness. He sighed and let himself be engulfed by her presence and scent.

"Oi, wench? You awake?" He asked, knowing she was.

Kagome opened her eyes and moved her head to look into his golden orbs. It took all of Inuyasha's self control not to look away. Her eyes seem to devour him whole.

"I...I need to talk to you. Now." He said softly.

Kagome looked surprised at his stuttering. "What's wrong?" She rubbed her eyes and payed Inuyasha her full attention, concern written all over her pretty face.

"Not here." Inuyasha stated, standing up. He gripped Tetsusaiga's hilt and looked down at her expectantly. Kagome nodded, looking very confused and suddenly feeling a bit uneasy, and took the hand he was offering her to help her stand.

Immediately Inuyasha turned around and knelt without a word. Kagome climbed onto his back.

He savoured the soft pressure of her warm, petite body against his back and slid his hands beneath her legs, loving the feel of her silky bare skin under his fingers. Then he leapt and ran for the forest.

"Where are we going?" Kagome whispered, her hot breath blowing on the tiny white hairs on Inuyasha's ears and making him shiver. The feel of her breasts pressed against his back didn't help either. He could only hope she didn't notice.

"Feh." Was his answer. "Impatient wench."

Inuyasha finally reached a clearing and bent down to let Kagome off his back. She stood before him, a questioning look in her eyes, her head tilted to one side, hands on her hips.

"Would you mind telling me what's so important that you just had to drag me away from camp without telling anyone?"

"They were asleep, wench. They won't miss us."

"They might get worried when they wake up. Inuyasha..."

"You talk too much, bitch."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest, patting her foot impatiently. A rather long and uncomfortable silence followed.

"So?" Kagome finally asked, arching her delicate eyebrows.

"So what?" Inuyasha replied harshly.

Kagome gave out an exasperated sigh. "Inuyasha...you dragged me away from camp, telling me you had to talk to me, and now you just stand there and not say a word. I want to know what's bothering you."

Her eyes softened when she saw him flinch a little at her words. "What is it?" She whispered.

"Feh. Nothing is bothering me." Inuyasha mumbled, folding his arms and turning his back on her. He sighed audibly.

Kagome became instantly worried. That was Kagome for you. He could smell her distress without the need to look at her concerned face, and knowing he was the cause of it didn't help.

What he had to say _had_ to be said, now or never.

He just didn't expect it to be so...damn _hard_. He decided to go straight to the point.

"Kagome...before I say anything I need you to promise me you won't run away...and that you will shut that big mouth of yours and let me finish. Then you'll get your say. Understood?"

She would have argued if his voice hadn't sounded so defeated and so very unlike him. She nodded her head, then realised he couldn't see her and answered with a soft "yes".

"Okay..." He turned around and the sadness in his beautiful amber eyes made her stomach turn.

Oh no...she knew that look. That look could only mean...

_Kikyou._

"Inu-"

"Quiet. I need to say this. And it's fucking hard so please, please Kagome..." Inuyasha bit his lower lip and looked at his bare feet. "Listen to me."

His last words were barely audible and he could smell the tears already brimming Kagome's eyes.

"No...no! Kagome please don't cry! Listen to me, damn it!" With youkai speed, he grabbed her wrists and pinned her to a tree.

"Don't you dare run from me." He hissed.

Kagome nodded, and now he could smell not only her tears but her fear. It was not fear of him, but _for_ him, and that only made things worse.

He loosened his grip on her wrists and licked his now dry lips.

Kagome was waiting for him to talk, but Inuyasha couldn't find the right words.

"You've been with her, haven't you?" She whispered, her heartbreak almost palpable in her voice.

"Listen. Just. Listen." Inuyasha paused and sighed.

Kagome's lower lip trembled and she choked back a sob.

"I did see Kikyou earlier, but I didn't go looking for her. She found me. And we...talked." He prayed to all the gods she wouldn't see through the lie. "Kagome...I need you to know that..."

"You don't have to say anything. I know. I know you chose her. I know you love her...I know I'm..."

"You promised you'd shut up." Inuyasha snapped.

Kagome winced at his tone. "Why are you doing this to me?" She whispered, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks.

"Kagome, listen. Kikyou died because of me. She was brought back into this world because of me. It took me a while to realise it, but I know, despite what you or the others might think, that she's dead. She's not the Kikyou I once loved. What will always remain will be my promise to her. I must protect her. But that...clay doll...that's not Kikyou anymore. I will always love her memory. But that's not what I came here to say so could you just..."

Kagome sobbed. "Why are you telling me this? That you will always love her?"

The salty smell of her tears was tearing him apart. "Damn it, wench! Don't _do_ that!" He tightened his grip on her wrists.

Kagome only sniffed and nodded. She knew he hated to see her cry. She would have wiped her tear strained face with her sleeve, but Inuyasha was currently grasping her wrists.

"Don't cry, Kagome. Not for me." Inuyasha whispered, and the frustrated look on his amber eyes softened. He leaned over and without even realising he was doing it, his tongue darted out and he began licking her tears away, not fully aware of how very intimate this was.

All he wanted was to see her smile again, that smile that could melt him on the spot...the smile that reached her eyes and made her _glow_...suddenly, Inuyasha realised what he was doing and immediately stopped, wanting to apologise but at the same time not feeling the least bit sorry about it. The salty taste of her tears and the unmistakable taste of Kagome's skin was bittersweet.

She had stopped crying, her breath caught in her throat. "I-Inuyasha..."

Blushing at what he had just done, he summoned his courage and moved his lips to her right ear. "Kagome...you should know this by now, but obviously you don't." His warm breath on her ear made her shiver despite her best efforts to hide it.

It took all of Inuyasha's strenght to face her when he spoke next.

"I do love Kikyou. But I don't love her enough. Not since you...since _we_...I _want_...I mean...I lo - _care_ about you...what I_ really _mean is...damn it...I_ need_ you..." He released her slowly, trusting she wouldn't get away from him. She didn't.

Inuyasha waited for Kagome to say something, anything, but when she simply stared at him, her eyes showing a display of infinite emotions, he took a deep breath and continued.

"I need you. I would _never_ think of you as Kikyou...no matter what you might believe. You, Kagome, you're my strenght. I..."

"Please...don't, Inuyasha. If you're lying..." Kagome started, not daring to believe her ears.

"Stupid bitch. You can always tell when I'm lying." He half smiled, half winced.

Kagome bit her lower lip but didn't say anything.

"I don't want Kikyou. I never really wanted her. I just needed to feel safe, to belong. But now...I know where I belong. And it's not with her. It's...fuck, this is so hard!" He clenched his fists in annoyance and turned his face away from her.

Kagome's face relaxed. "Inuyasha...what are you trying to say?" She whispered.

When he didn't answer, she gently cupped his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. He was biting his lip so hard he drew blood.

She gave him an encouraging little smile and looked into his troubled eyes, her emotions now clear in her chocolate depths; pure and unconditional trust and love, and a tiny yet overwhelming flash of hope.

"It's okay." Kagome said softly. "I won't run away. Just tell me what's bothering you. Don't you trust me?"

Her question caught him completely by surprise. "Idiot! Of course I do!" He snapped, then sighed in regret when he saw the hurt look on Kagome's face.

"I promised to protect Kikyou. But I realised...I never _promised_ to go to Hell with her. I know it's what I deserve but...I'm too selfish. And I want to live." He said all this as quickly as he could, hoping it was enough. He couldn't bring himself to say what he meant to say, that he loved Kagome so much it hurt, needed her more than air. He cursed his own weakness.

"Is that so wrong? I want to live." He asked of her.

"There's nothing selfish about wanting to live. And you don't deserve Hell, Inuyasha..." Kagome answered softly.

He shook his head. "I know you think I don't. But that doesn't change the fact that I owe Kikyou something and that it is all I can give her. I loved her. But I just can't, and _won't_, give her what she wants of me. It's different now. Things have changed. _I_ have changed. I've never felt this way before...the way I feel for... somebody else...she makes me feel complete. She makes me a better person. I trust her with my life. And she should damn well know this. After what I've done..." He cringed. "She shouldn't trust me. But she_ does_, and I can't bear to lose her trust. I'd rather lose a limb than that..."

Kagome's heart sped up. She couldn't breathe. Was he talking about _her_?

"I know I'm not much. I know I don't deserve this person. But I will try my best to do so. Do you think she will accept me?" His golden eyes pierced into hers.

What was that in his eyes? Hope? Fear?

Kagome thought hard. If he meant her...Finally, she found her voice. She spoke slowly, softly.

"She will accept you, I'm sure she will. Why wouldn't she? But...how does she feel about you? Have you ever asked her? Do you even know?"

Inuyasha was taken by surprise again. Didn't she know he meant her? And they called _him_ dense...

He swallowed. "Well...I know she loves me. She trusts me. I have no idea what I did to deserve that but...she just does." He shrugged. "I've hurt her so many times...and still, she...she said she loved me...in a way...and she says so, every day, without speaking. Incredibly enough, she accepts me as a hanyou. You know? Even when Kikyou was alive...well, I knew she couldn't have felt that way. She wanted me as a human. I would have become human for her, because I thought I would be accepted and truly loved then, I would have earned her love if I showed her how much I cared by being what she wanted me to be. But this girl...well...she just...loves me. _Me_. I'd be damned if I know why, but she..."

"...loves you for who you are. Even if you choose to become a full youkai...she will always love you and accept you for what you are. Are we talking about the same girl here?" Kagome finished for him.

Inuyasha was growing irritated. He bared his fangs at her.

"What do you think you stupid wench!" He growled. He was shocked when Kagome suddenly burst into tears.

Of all the reactions he had expected of her, this was definetely _not_ one of them.

"K-Kagome?"

She whimpered and would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't caught her by the shoulders.

"Kagome...I was talking about you...why...why are you crying?" Fear gripped Inuyasha's heart. Maybe he'd been wrong...maybe she didn't want him...maybe he was nothing but a worthless hanyou to her after all...

"Baka!" She cried as she rolled her little hands into fists and punched him softly on the chest. "Don't you know how long I've been waiting to hear you say these things? But I never...I never..." Her voice trembled. "I never thought...you'd love me _that_ way. Kikyou...you can't forget her...I'm just second best..."

"No! Never believe that, Kagome! You're..._you_...that doesn't even_ begin_ to explain it...you're the one I want." He whispered. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realise this. I really am a baka. I'll understand if you turn me down, I know I don't deserve..."

"You talk too much." She cut him off, and smiled up at him through her tears. Standing on tiptoe, she pressed her soft lips to his briefly.

"I love you, baka. And don't you dare say that you don't deserve love. You really need to work on your self esteem. Always acting so cocky all the time...I would have thought you'd believe in yourself more than that."

'I believe in myself because _you_ believe in me,' Inuyasha thought, but was so shocked by her sweet kiss that he was robbed of words.

He licked his lips, tasting her there, wanting to taste more. Her lips were so warm, so deliciously warm...Kikyou's lips had been so cold...

_Cold lips...so cold...wrapped around him, sucking him, draining him...draining him of his life, his will..._

What had happened between him and Kikyou suddenly burst in his mind and he roughly parted from Kagome, ignoring the look of confusion and pain on her pretty face.

If he had thought he didn't deserve Kagome before, he sure as hell didn't deserve to even glance her lovely way now.

He could never, _ever_ tell her what Kikyou had done to him, or he would lose her trust forever, and he would deserve it too. He would deserve her hatred. He would deserve it if she jumped into the well and never came back.

And if that happened, he wouldn't give a shit about Naraku, revenge, Kikyou's damned soul, or anything else, for that matter. He would simply die.

There was no excuse for what he had done. He was scum. Bile rose in his throat. He was trembling.

For the first time since he could remember, he wished that she would sit him. Instead, he felt her little hand on his shoulder.

She turned him around so she could look at him, and he didn't resist her, but wouldn't look at her either.

At least he had stopped shaking, but he still felt sick.

"K-Kagome..." He forced himself to speak. She pressed her hands against his chest and he didn't, couldn't, pull back. Instead, he felt his own arms wrapping around her tiny waist.

He should have moved away. He knew he should have resisted her touch. He should have just leapt into the trees and ran away, as fast and as far as his legs could carry him. But could he ever run away from himself?

And he needed to be close to her. He needed to feel her, touch her...taste her...

He wasn't strong enough, his will wasn't strong enough to pull away from her now. Not after all he'd said to her.

Inuyasha pushed the unwelcome image of Kikyou kneeling between his legs as far away as he could, focusing his entire attention on Kagome, allowing her to fill his senses, drowning in her scent, her beauty, the safety of her arms and the warmth of her soft body, the perfume of her clean hair and the fact that he wasn't dreaming, this was his Kagome in his arms, that had been his Kagome kissing him for the second time, his Kagome telling him that she loved him and accepted him as he was and trusted him.

He'd sworn to protect Kikyou. His self hatred was what forced him to accept her fate as his own and go to Hell with her. It was the right thing to do. Except it didn't _feel_ right.

_This_, however, Kagome in his arms, felt more than right. This was home. _She_ was his home.

Inuyasha was dimly aware of it, but he had pressed his body to Kagome's, pinning her to the tree, and his hands had gone lower, his arms now wrapped around her hips.

Kagome's eyes were glowing, her smile too beautiful to behold.

"Are you...happy?" He asked finally, nervously.

"You make me happy." She answered simply, and wrapped her arms about his neck.

"Keh." Inuyasha blushed.

Still, something else was troubling him. Kagome saw the nervousness in his eyes and frowned.

"What is it?"

"I...I've never kissed anyone before." Was his surprising reply.

"What are you talking about? You and Kikyou..."

"She was the one who always kissed me. When she was alive...only once. And it was a peck on the lips, nothing more. And then..." Inuyasha grimaced at the memory.

Kagome tensed in his arms.

"And then she was dead...and her lips were cold...and I was too shocked and parted from her before she could..."

"I really don't need to hear this." Kagome said, anger flashing in her eyes, and her arms released him. He felt lonely all of a sudden, although he was still holding onto her hips tightly and his body was firmly pressed to hers.

"I saw it, just in case you forgot." She added.

"Let me finish, damn it! Then _you_ kissed me...and you saved me. When I was out of control...losing my mind...you brought me back. But I meant - I meant...a _real_ kiss."

Kagome arched her eyebrows. "A real kiss?" She blushed as understanding dawned. "Oh! You mean..."

Inuyasha blushed as red as his haori. He was surprised and a little offended when Kagome giggled. "Well...I've never kissed anyone _that_ way before either." She admitted, matching the red on Inuyasha's cheeks.

Unconsciously, she licked her lips. The glimpse of her tongue was too much for Inuyasha to bear.

"Kagome..." He said huskily.

Kagome's eyes were glued to Inuyasha's mouth.

He could hear the rapid pounding of her heart against his chest, see the rush of blood to her cheeks, smell the sudden change in her scent, feel her anticipation.

His Kagome actually _wanted_ him to kiss her. Really kiss her. Her body was practically crying out for him.

"Inuyasha..." Kagome whispered, and her hand moved to his face. She stroked his cheek gently, and he leaned blissfully against her warm hand, closing his golden eyes, a low, contented rumble coming from his chest.

The last time he remembered making that noise was when he was four years old and his mother held him protectively in her arms and ran her delicate, long fingers through his hair, or when she sang him to sleep.

For a moment, Kagome thought he had indeed fallen asleep; Inuyasha looked exactly as he had when she'd first met him; his thick eyelashes inviting to the touch and his handsome yet almost child-like face so peaceful and innocent, his luscious lips begging to be kissed, silvery white hair slow dancing with the morning breeze.

Such a magnificent, complex being...wicked yet adorable, a child but also a man, his need to protect as desperate as his secret need to be protected, his heart as immense as his temper was short. He was so passionate about everything...so wild and kind, despite his best efforts to hide this. How could he possibly see his own kindness as a weakness? He was a walking paradox...by the gods, she loved him.

Kagome smiled to herself and slowly lifted her hand. Her fingertips hesitately brushed his velvet soft lips tenderly.

She gasped in surprise when Inuyasha's golden eyes flew open and his right arm abandoned her hip, his hand grabbing her tiny wrist.

He kissed her fingers slowly, one by one, then pressed his lips to the palm of her hand. His fingers entwined with hers and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

These tender little gestures alone coming from him were enough to set off delicious shocks of pleasure from the tip of her toes and through her veins, Kagome's face now burning and her heart pounding loudly at her ribcage.

If he could do that to her just by kissing her hand...Kagome shivered.

Her pulse was racing. Was he going to kiss her?

Kagome held her breath when she felt Inuyasha's face lean closer to hers.

TBC

AN: I really hope you liked this chap, I'm sure you'll love the next one :) Review onegai! Please tell This Youkai Musashi you forgive her...suggestions will be more than welcome. If me get reviews, me update faster :hint hint:


	5. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

DISCLAIMER: Still don't own, don't sue. I do thank the amazing Rumiko Takahashi for creating this obsession for me.

Thank you SO much for your lovely reviews! They make my muse happy :) Keep 'em coming! Hope you like this chapter! On to the story!

CHAPTER 5: SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS

Kagome felt Inuyasha's lips close over hers.

Soft, yet so hard, yielding, yet demanding...his tongue slowly caressed her upper lip first, then her lower lip.

Kagome sighed in utter bliss, and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue past her parted lips, shyly at first, then thrusting it deep into the wet warmth of her mouth.

The kiss was sweet and slow, urgent but tender.

Kagome lifted her hands and buried her fingers in Inuyasha's silvery hair, as Inuyasha's hands clasped Kagome's face, his tongue beginning to explore her hot little mouth further, deeper, tasting her, savouring her, licking her teeth, the roof of her mouth, his tongue tangling with hers. Kagome shyly lapped at his tongue.

Their tongues began a slow, luscious dance, caressing each other, mouths locked, the kiss becoming hotter and harder.

Inuyasha suddenly caught Kagome's slippery tongue between his lips and sucked on it deeply, slowly at first, then rapidly, frantically, making sweet feverish love to it.

The shock of Inuyasha's impossibly hot kiss passed through Kagome. She felt the delicious heat passing from his hungry mouth to hers, liquid heat pooling between her legs, the pulsing of her sex unbearably delicious as she unconsiously snapped her hips against his.

Oh how she longed for him...never had she ached for him so, not even when she touched herself back in her time, alone in her bed, not even in her wildest dreams...this was _real_, his mouth on hers was real, his tongue alive in her mouth was real, his lean, strong body against hers was oh so real, his passion...Gods, he was like heat embodied...

Kagome gasped into the kiss when she felt his hardness press against her thigh. Inuyasha moaned into her mouth.

'Gods, she feels so warm, so alive...' Inuyasha thought as he began to rock his hips against her, desperate to relieve some tension, the throbbing of his organ such blissful pain...her taste unlike anything he could have ever imagined; sweet and unmistakably Kagome's, no other being in the world could ever taste like she did.

Sweeter even than he had ever imagined...and he longed to taste more of her, to lick and kiss and worship every inch of her skin with his tongue and lips, the promise of an even sweeter taste filling his nostrils as her arousal pulsed around him as if it was a living creature, her scent and desire making him dizzy, her aura and his youki surrounding them and protecting them from the rest of the world.

It seemed to Inuyasha there was no such a thing as pain, suffering, bitterness, or guilt...his entire universe melted in Kagome's hot little mouth, and there was nothing but sweet love and burning desire, pure joy and complete bliss like he had never known, warmth and comfort and the feeling of finally _belonging_, right here, with her, right now...he wished he could live forever in her kiss, drown in her scent for all eternity...

Heaven, this was absolute heaven...

'Oh Gods, Gods she tastes so good..._too_ good...' Inuyasha thought deliriously as he further deepened the kiss, thinking vaguely he could just come from this, it was so intense, as Kagome now sucked frantically on his tongue, then explored his mouth throughly, her tongue playing with his, her body calling out to him, screaming at him to take her, as she squirmed in his arms, her knees weakened and her small hands clutching at his silvery white hair a little too hard.

Kagome was becoming more and more daring, she was drinking from his mouth, taking the breath out of him and into herself...

_Yes, Gods yes, kiss me, lick me, suck my entire being into you...I've wanted this for so long, I want you so much, need you so much...I love you, love you...my Kagome...I can't say it with words yet, I can't...but for now...for now...feel my love, feel me...feel my heart, it's yours...my body, yours...my soul, yours...my life...yours forever...feel me, Kagome..._

Inuyasha tried to pass these thoughts to Kagome through his kiss; hard and wet, hot and passionate, he hungrily devoured her mouth with lips, tongue and fangs, and she kissed him back with all of her being, passing her own feelings to him through her frantic kiss, her lips literally burning his lips... she loved him, she wanted him, _all_ of him...

A little world had been created through these unspoken words, this fervent kiss they shared, a world just for the two of them, and Inuyasha never wanted to leave it, never wanted to leave her. Eventually, of course, they would have to breathe...

When they parted for breath, Kagome removed her hands from his hair and touched his eyelashes, his cheekbones, her breasts heaving with her panting, her nipples so hard they hurt, poking against her shirt.

Inuyasha in turn kissed her eyelids, her face, her chin, licking her neck with long, slow strokes of his tongue, flickering it against her throat, finding her pulse, nibbling and sucking tenderly on her skin, Kagome's lovely little moans enveloping around him.

She gasped his name, as her hands found the sensitive dog-like ears and began to stroke them very gently, rubbing the tips. She ran her delicate fingers along the white, fine hair of his ears, and felt Inuyasha's mouth open against her throat as he tried in vain to stiffle a loud moan.

He growled low in his throat, moving away from her touch, it was just too much, _too_ much...

He covered her face with wet kisses before catching her lower lip in his mouth and sucking briefly on it, then pressing his mouth against hers again.

Gods, he could never get enough of her mouth...it was becoming nearly impossible for him not to come from this...

What she did to him...how could she have so much power over him? He absolutely loved it, absolutely loved that _he_ seemed to have the same power over her too...

Inuyasha's kiss was tender this time, as he softly pulled at Kagome's swollen lips with his, over and over again, the tips of their tongues caressing each other, before he locked his mouth over hers once again, ravishing her hot mouth.

He couldn't help it, he kept rubbing himself against her, and Kagome couldn't hold back the moans that escaped her lips and were swallowed by his kiss, nor the involuntary movement of her hips snapping back against his.

By Kami, she was so wet, soaking down to her thighs...she knew he could smell her, and for some reason this thought did not embarrass her as it should have but aroused her all the more.

Inuyasha growled loudly, his eyes snapping open, bleeding crimson, then melting into gold again as he struggled with his youkai blood with all of his might. He knew he would lose this battle.

Tetsusaiga hang on his hip, but he might as well have left it back at camp, his youkai self didn't seem to be backing off.

In fact, it seemed to be growing more persistant the stronger Kagome's scent became...

_No! I...won't...hurt...her!_ Inuyasha thought wildly.

He roughly pushed Kagome away, staggering backwards, turning his back on her, shaking all over, for a second looking very much like an injured puppy.

_Go...away! I...won't...let...you...out!_

_You think you have a say in this, hanyou? _The voice in his head was his own...harsh, blood curdling, evil, frightening even him.

Inuyasha gripped Tetsusaiga's hilt.

_Keh. I can take you on._

_Go ahead and try it, half-breed._

_She's mine!_

_Baka. She's OURS._

Inuyasha was panting, arguing with himself.

_I LOVE HER._ He growled at his youkai self.

The argument was over.

The youkai fell silent. It was gone, and yet Inuyasha's blood was hissing, boiling in his veins.

And the inu-hanyou couldn't face Kagome.

TBC

AN: A bit of angst coming up, do not fear, The Lemon will have to wait but I'm planning to add lots of lime (heavily scented lime, at that) before it to soothe both you guys and our sexually frustrated heroes. I repeat, there will be NO MORE Kikyou, lime, lemon or anything remotely like it, and she won't even show up for a long long time, and when she does it will not be pretty!

R&R pretty please? Youkai Musashi loves reviews! The more reviews I get, the fastest I will try to add chapters, although right now I'm fixing what's currently written in my computer and trying to write new stuff.

Until next chap...Ja ne! I will love you forever if you review!

YM


End file.
